Heres The Way To Avoid The Nearly Inevitable Sexless Marriage Experienced By So Many Long
Guys, I have bad news for you. You know the joke If you want to have sex, dont get married!? Well, its largely true. And it gets worse. According to an analysis of U.S. Census data, 36% of women living with a same-sex romantic partner in their 40s had been married to a man at some point among women in their 50s living with another woman, over 50% had left straight married life behind this percentage jumps to 75% for those age 60 or older. My take? As women age their needs for intimacy shift so dramatically that some actually switch teams just to find it.
Now the good news is that you and your partner dont have to suffer this fate. In fact, it is very possible to have your intimate life become better as you mature and grow older together. And the purpose of this post is to share how that can be and to avoid the eventuality of an essentially sexless relationship.
Facing Sexual Dysfunction Of Prostate Cancer
Posted April 7, 2010
Dread news: my husband’s PSA was quite elevated on a random blood test at work. Measured by a blood test, the Prostate-Specific Antigen, along with a digital rectal exam, are used conjunctively to detect cancer of the prostate. The higher the level, the more likely the presence of cancer. Since I work with prostate cancer survivors and their spouses, I am familiar with the progress of the disease and my husband’s numbers sent a chill through my whole body. No, not just a chillI’d say terror grabbed my shirt and started breathing down my neck. It didn’t let go for two months.
Suddenly, right after we got the test result, I remembered him telling me that his prostate had been slightly enlarged at his last check-up. How had I ignored that? me of all people.
The good news is that elevated prostate levels don’t always mean cancer. And caught early, prostate cancer is highly survivable. In fact, our urologist, Dr. McCracken of Raleigh, NC, suggests that men have much earlier testing, beginning at age 40, rather than the recommended start at 50, and that they follow any result higher than 1.0 with an annual retest to increase their chance of catching it early. He’s probably not popular with cost-saving HMOs.
Been In A Sexless Marriage For 20 Years After Prostate Cancer Surgery
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The Potential Damage Of Sexless Marriage
When one or both partners are unhappy with sexlessness in a marriage, the following are some of the possible consequences:
- Loneliness, bitterness, frustration, remorse, rejection, and inadequacy are all negative emotions.
- Negative sentiments and pressure related to sex, which lead to a sexual avoidance cycle.
- There is a lack of openness and connection.
- There is a decrease in benevolence and kindness.
- There is less patience with one another.
- It keeps your immune system humming.
That said, here are 10 Surprising Health Benefits of Sex, according to WebMD.
That isnt to imply that in many marriages, sexlessness isnt acceptable. There are some people who are perfectly content without sex, thus it is not a problem for them. It all relies on the couple, their particular requirements, and how they communicate and meet those needs.However, if one or both persons are dissatisfied, a negative cycle will certainly emerge, with some spillover into the remainder of the relationship.
You Could Have Sexual Problems Later
It may seem odd, but âuse it or lose itâ may apply here. For women at menopause, vaginal tissue can get thin, shrink, and dry out without regular intercourse. That can make sex painful and weaken your desire. And some research says men who have sex less than once a week are twice as likely to have erectile dysfunction as those who have it weekly.
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What Does A Sexless Marriage Entail
A sexless marriage does not actually mean NO SEX! But
A sexless marriage occurs when there is little or no sexual activity between spouses. According to the 1992 US National Health and Social Life Survey, 2% of married respondents reported no sexual intimacy in the past year.
A non-sexual marriage is typically defined as one in which sexual contact occurs fewer than 10 times per year, in which case 20% of the couples in the National Health and Social Life Survey would fall into this category. According to other surveys, 10% or less of married people under the age of 50 had not had sex in the previous year. In addition, only about 20% of people say they have sex a few times a year, if at all.
Moreover, when one partner feels sexually neglected and the other spouse has little to no desire in repairing the sexual relationship, the problem of a sexless marriage becomes a major issue in marriages.
Pde5 Inhibitors: Viagra Levitra And Cialis
Approved by the FDA in 1998, sildenafil revolutionized the way we think about and treat erectile dysfunction, largely because it is so easy to use and effective. Since then the FDA has approved three closely related drugs, vardenafil , avanafil and tadalafil .
All four drugs work in a similar fashion, by affecting the normal physiology of the penis. In particular, they block PDE5, an enzyme that breaks down the erection-producing chemical cyclic guanosine monophosphate. This enables the penis to fill with blood and to stay erect long enough for intercourse. Of course, its important to realize that none of these drugs is an aphrodisiac. Youve got to feel sexually stimulated in order for them to work.
The main differences between the drugs have to do with timing: how quickly they begin to work, and how long their effects last . Levitra may start working slightly faster than Viagra although the FDA says that like Viagra, it should be taken about an hour before sexual activity. Some studies suggest that Levitra may help some men who dont respond to Viagra. And while some doctors are skeptical about this claim, theres no harm in trying Levitra or Cialis if Viagra doesnt work for you.
Cialis has also been approved to treat men with both erectile dysfunction and BPH. The dose is lower, usually 5 milligrams per day.
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The Sin Of A Sexless Marriage
Over the last year, Ive had numerous husbands email me and share with me their heartbreaking, if not tragic, sex life stories. They explain how their wives, who were once willing to engage in sex 2-3 times a week have now become completely closed off, never wanting any type of physical interaction.
They tell me how much they love their wives, how attractive they still find her, how much they long to please herbe it emotionally or physically.
Some of these confessions are so raw, wounds so gaping, that I cry as I read them. Some are so personal and candid that I cannot read on and I pass them along to my husband and ask that he be the one to respond.
But, in all, Im left feeling the sadness of their stories weigh upon my heart. How is it that two people who once felt the hope and promise of loveincluding sexual love now live a sexless, passionless existence?
How do you get from one to the other? From a well-spring to a dried-up well? From a spiritual joining to an almost systematic dividing?
Of course, it is not just men who have written me expressing their pain and loss. Women write too and share about their husbands lack of a sex drive, his disinterest in them physically, his addiction to pornography, or his excuses about being too tired.
This is what I want to say, whether it is popular or not because Im preoccupied with truthnot popularity: A sexless marriage is a sin. And, it seems, many of us are sinning.
The Sexless Marriage
The Reality of Sex
You Might Get Less Exercise
Sex typically burns about 5 calories a minute. Thatâs about equal to a brisk walk. And you use a bit more oxygen too — about the same as digging in the garden or walking down the stairs.
That may not seem like much, but it starts to add up over the long term. And because sex can improve your mental health, you might be more likely to do other types of exercise like the neighborhood kickball team, hiking, or housework.
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My Husband Has Prostate Cancer
My world fell apart, I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach. My husband has prostate cancer & he’s only 46! My first question was ‘what’s prostate cancer ‘? I/we had no idea . You see at 46 you’re not expected to get it, the PSA test is not available until your 50+ and then not all doctors surgeries offer it . In our case my hubby had unusually gone to the doctors about a lump on his back and she said ‘I see you never come to the doctors? You’re at a certain age where we will start to check cholesterol, blood pressure etc and a few other things’ … ‘thanks was his reply’ … So blood tests were taken and about a week later he was called in and given the news! He was referred to the Urology department at our local hospital where he had a biopsy, this was a definitive test, we would know if he had cancer or not! He went to get the results of this biopsy and insisted that he went alone. I was upset .. I wanted to be there to support him but he felt it was something he needed to do alone. I had to respect that, after all he was the one that had now been told he’d got cancer, not me. It was his way of coping with it …. All of this was 5 years ago now and I remember feeling that I had to tell people, the children. They weren’t very young but I did speak to the headmistress at my youngest daughter’s school and explained, just in case she got upset whilst she was at school, that they would know what she was dealing with … But at this point none of us knew really.
Reasons For A Sexless Marriage
You might assume that the causes for many sexless marriages are mostly due to a lack of interest or low libido. That may be so, but there are many other contributing factors besides those.
Here are a few suggested reasons for a sexless marriage:
- Soldiers suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder and/or persistent physical damage.
- Past sexual abuse/rape, as well as the psychological consequences.
- Obesity as a result of a physical injury has complicated my health.
- Obesity as a whole.
- Surgical procedures that change your life
- Illness that has lasted a long time
- Counseling is required for a dysfunctional marriage partnership.
As you can see, there are a number of issues that might result in a sexless marriage. While living in a sexless marriage might be a challenging situation to deal with, keep in mind that the person you love may be suffering emotionally or physically from a condition that cannot be helped.
Of course, weve only mentioned a few hypothetical conditions that could lead to a sexless marriage there are many more, and listing them all would be difficult.
Remember that your relationship was built on love, and compassion is frequently the best virtue to have when a loved one is going through something like this.
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You Can Save A Marriage After Affair
The first discovery of an affair causes powerful emotions such as temper, dishonesty, pity, clinical depression, shame or sorrow. The discomfort can reduce deep and it may not seem possible however with assistance you can save a marriage after an event.
Before making a rash choice offer yourself time while you attempt to grasp what has occurred. Looking for assistance with relied on pals or liked ones can assist you walk along. {However the remember the final decision if you picked to heal your marriage is your own to determine.|The bear in mind the final choice if you chose to repair your marriage is yours to determine. Sexless Marriage With Husband That Has Prostate Cancer
Are You Struggling In Your Marriage Or Relationship
Are you having a difficult time getting your spouse or the person you love on the same page?
Is your dream to build a happily ever after life heading down the drains?
I know…
The harsh reality is that the happiness in your marriage may be over…
IT’S BROKEN…
“Can it be saved?”
…And maybe you still even live in the house with your spouse as roommates, barely any sex or intimacy and probably in denial.
I get it.
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Why We Really Have Sex
We sank into each other to absorb some of the best news of our life. I know we’re lucky. I know many of you have not been so lucky. I don’t have plucky answers for you. Prostate cancer is hell. In fact, I learned that at times like these, comments like “hang in there” and “don’t worry” and “I’m sure you’ll be okay” feel more infuriating than comforting. I wanted friends to just come and sit with us, maybe bring wine and chocolate, maybe put their arms around us.
Maybe later, when I feel steady again, we’ll talk about those work-arounds.
Lauries book Wanting Sex Again is available on Amazon!
Listen to Laurie’s new podcast FOREPLAY – Radio Sex Therapy with couple’s therapist Dr. Adam Mathews on iTunes or Sticther.
CONTACT Laurie for online consultations through Skype or MySpace.
Start working on your relationship now! Take our free Love and Sex QUIZ or visit our website to learn about couples counseling or marital therapy.
The Loving Pie By Ralph And Barbara Alterowitz
This artical was originally published in the Us TOO Hotsheet in May and June of 2005. –
Intimacy and sexual pleasure is known to be essential to good physical and mental well being it may evenlengthen life. Unfortunately, many couples abandon intimacy after prostate cancer treatment, unaware that theirintimacy can not only be revived but possibly made better than before. Often all a couple needs is a vision ofwhat intimacy could and should be for them and how to go about regaining it.
The devastation wreaked on many couples love life by prostate cancer is shown in the following commentsfrom participants in an on-line forum. Womens comments: Since his prostate cancer treatment, we have gradually settled back into pretty much a sexless marriage.
We love each other. So, what has happened?His libido seems to be totally gone. He has ED and doesn’t seem to care. I had no cluethis would happen when he was first diagnosed. Now I don’t sleep and sometimes I think I can’t live throughthis. But another day goes by and I do. I still can’t believe this has happened to us.
I’m not ready for celibacy. I am having a major problem coping with isolation, loneliness, and living with aguy who seems to have forgotten I am here. Mens comments:
It is possible to make love after prostate cancer treatment, with or without mechanical aids or medications.
What Is The Loving Pie?
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How To Deal With A Sexless Marriage
Wednesday, August 30, 2017183 CommentsShare This:
Have a question about relationships and sex for seniors? Every month Senior Planets award-winning senior sexpert Joan Price answers questions about everything from loss of desire to solo sex and partner issues. Subscribe now and dont miss a single column. Senior Planet subscribers also get The Weekly Orbit, our newsletter with features about personal finance, health and fitness, technology tips, an online book club and more!
My wife and I are in our 60s, very active and in good health. We havent had sex in over a year and a half because of my wifes lack of interest. I would like to ask her if well ever have a sex life again, but she has a hard time talking about it.
Weve been married almost 40 years and neither of us had any sex partners before we met. Ive always wanted sex more than she has, though the first years were pretty satisfying for both of us. She started losing interest when our children were youngshed be OK with sex once or twice a month, and only when she was in the mood.
Ive read about vaginal atrophy and would guess she has it. We used lubricant but it still wasnt very effective the last time. Shes been mostly dry since a few years before menopause.
A Fulfilling Love Life Despite Impotence
In general, men who suffer from impotence after treatment for prostate cancer should talk to their urologist. This is because nowadays men have a number of options available to help them have a fulfilling love life even after prostate treatment. The use of such aids, which we list below, may take some getting used to at first. However, they often become a natural part of the relationship after some time. It is important to take into account the general state of your health, your concerns and your personal preferences, and to get detailed advice about the different methods.
One way to improve erectile function and duration is through medications that can be taken orally or administered through the urethra. For example, on the advice of their doctor, some patients resort to prescription tablets of the PDE-5 inhibitor class of active ingredients. These active ingredients do not increase sexual desire, but do cause an erection during sexual arousal. However, this is only possible in men with prostate cancer after surgery or radiation therapy if the corresponding nerves and blood vessels are partially preserved.
In addition, there are drugs that are injected directly into the shaft of the penis and cause an erection. However, it requires the man or the partner to learn how to use the syringe. However, this is not particularly complicated and is comparable to learning how to inject insulin if you have diabetes.
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